That new Michael Jackson film premiered in cinemas this week to widespread ‘meh’. Whoever OK-ed the $60 million film rights may want to start looking at other employment opportunities.
Remember Andre Agassi? He used to have hair and was married to Brooke Shields. Also, he played tennis a bit. Anyway, he launched his biography this week with the SHOCKING revelation that he once snorted crystal meth and then cleaned his house from top to bottom. Tennis stars... they’re just like you and me.
Some airline pilots in the US overshot their intended destination by about, oh, 300 miles. Apparently they were so busy ‘talking’ they forgot to land, or respond to air traffic controllers who were desperately trying to reach them. The pilots have angrily denied claims they were asleep/bumming each other.
Barbie’s ‘long term companion’, Ken, has finally come out. Judging by his new look he’s taken up residence in Miami.
In case you missed it, John Safran pretended to steal women’s underwear this week. He has a new show on TV where he tries to bang Asian chicks. Or something like that.
Dov Charney (CEO of American Apparel) was a total badass even before he got Pornstars to model his ridiculous clothing.
If you’re planning on going to Switzerland and euthanising yourself you’d better hurry, lawyers are trying to shut down the country’s suicide clinic. Apparently ‘suicide tourism’ is a bad scene and the Swiss don’t want to be associated with.
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes three year anniversary is fast approaching! That means she gets to renegotiate their marriage contract. How romantic! Also, she received a $3 million bonus for making a baby.
Mickey Rourke is not right. Check out the image gallery (and his blue jacket) for proof.
In case you care, Sarah Palin and ‘teen father of the year’ Levi Johnson are having a very public slanging match about who the biggest media whore is. They both have books coming out, incidentally.
Our favourite story of the week – a group of ‘hot teens’ have been hanging with Hollywood celebrities and breaking into their houses to steal shit when their backs are turned. The six person strong ‘crew’ consist of aspiring actors, some models and random hangers-on. Their victims include Lindsay Lohan (surprise!), Audrina Patridge, Orlando Bloom, Paris Hilton and Rachel Bilson (No! Not Summer!). Hollywood executives are already bidding for the film rights. The ‘hot teens’ are looking at jail time / interviewing potential managers.
Apple is planning on releasing a tablet thing sometime soonish. They’re currently in talks with different media to, you know, organise some content for it.
Miley Cyrus’ nine-year-old sister, Noah, wore a thing to a Halloween party that was not very appropriate. This isn’t going to end well.
Okay, let’s talk business real quick. First up, everyone at Forbes (business) magazine was fired this week to save money. Prudent. Meanwhile, Marc Ecko has lost control of his own company – having to sell a controlling interest to pay some people money. That’s what you get for building a giant office space and staffing it entirely with models. Also, making shit clothes.
Hip hop died this week, bludgeoned to death by the collective ‘talents’ of Bangs and R.A.E. Luckily, Nas was in town and managed to pull thing back from brink with his live band. It was like the exact OPPOSITE of this...
Got a couple of hours spare and need some cheap entertainment? Why not drop into a Scientology centre and let them play you a video. They keep losing those high profile Hollywood members and could probably do with the business. On that note, UK bookmaker Paddy Power has started taking bets on the next celebrity to turn their back on Xenu and the magic volcanos. John Travolta leads the pack at 9/4. Tom Cruise is paying 50/1.
Ashlee Simpson’s character has been killed off in the new Melrose Place. According to a ‘source’, "She's the worst actress, but nobody will tell her.” Feel free to make up your own joke.
Apparently Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig are going on double dates together. They’ve also got some Broadway play happening or something.
Yahoo did the world a favour this week and finally closed Geocities. If you can remember the dawn of the internet you may have stumbled across the incredibly ugly homepage hosting service. In one of the great media fuck-ups of all time, Yahoo paid $3.5 billion (yes, billion) for Geocities back in 1999 – a few months before the internet bubble burst and everyone went broke.
Finally. Advertising, you’re doing it right: