There’s a Miss Universe sex tape floating around the internets! It involves Miss Trinidad and Tobago, a random Asian girl (not Miss Japan as some people initially claimed) and the luckiest man in the world. You can watch the pants off, curtains drawn (100000000% NSFW) video if you Google it.
Barrack Obama is ‘dangerously skinny’ and probably has an eating disorder. He’s the new Nicole Ritchie – official.
The annual Victoria’s Secret show is in CRISIS thanks to selfish models and their baby making. Karolina Kurkova, Gisele Bundchen and Adriana Lima are all knocked up and unable to don their angel wings. Organisers have brought back Heidi Klum to avert a disaster. Also, we didn’t know this, but apparently Klum has knocked out four kids. Impressive.
Harry Potter has been spotted out on the town smoking ‘hand-rolled cigarettes’ and sporting a painted-on beard. Make of that what you will.
Everyone else may have walked, but Johnny Depp is back for (an ill-advised) Pirates of the Caribbean 4. His $38 million pay cheque may have something to do with it. The money might also explain why a ‘tired and emotional’ Depp was ‘helped’ out of nightclub earlier this week by minders and whisked away in a waiting car. Oh yeah, People magazine have named him Sexiest Man Alive. Again.
Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom are totes gonna have a baby. How do we know? Because they’re buying a dog together.
Looks like journalists at Sydney’s Daily Telegraph never got the memo about wrestling being TOTALLY FAKE. The paper ran a front page story about an ‘altercation’ between wrestling has-been Hulk Hogan and some other guy at a Sydney press conference. Apparently they thought it was for realz. Read the sadness here.
Assault charges have been dropped against the Black Eyed Peas manager. As you may recall, he slugged Perez Hilton in the eye after the celebrity blogger called him a “faggot” at some awards thing in Canada. Turns out the Canadians hate Hilton as much as everyone else and even the prosecutor can’t be bothered going to bat for him.
LSD and benzos should be compulsory in sports. Just ask Dock Ellis:
Some low-key movie about vampires opened in cinemas this week. It stars a guy with big hair and a girl who likes to smoke weed on her front perch. It’ll never work – nobody cares about vampires in 2009.
Some lawyers in Texas are saying that a Constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage back in 2005 inadvertently banned ALL marriages. In other words, a whole lot of people have been living in sin. Ooops.
Tom Cruise likes to walk around the house in military attire. Katie Holmes is always sad and alone. Three-year-old Suri is getting about in high heels. So now you know.
Extensive research by European scientist has proven that getting lushed on the regular is actually really good for you. *hiccup*
Angelina Jolie has taken time out from her ‘adoption addiction’ to make a movie. It’s called Salt and she’s been Photoshoped to hell and back on the promo posters.
Stop the press: There’s another Kardashian! 13-year-old Kendall. We’re looking forward to reading about her adventures in the tabloids. On that note, Paris Hilton is said to be jealous of the Kardashian family’s media whoring and wants back in the game.
Fuck it, here’s this week’s Kim Kardashian update. She’s not exactly the sharpest knife in the draw:
Those damn Somali pirates are at it again. How many do we have to kill before they learn their lesson?
Rihanna partied in London this week. There’s no story, we just wanted an excuse to run photos of RiRi in red dress.
Former Vice-Presidential candidate (and maverick crazy person) Sarah Palin released her tell-all book this week, Going Rogue. John McCain’s people are calling “bullshit” on the whole thing and saying she lives in fairyland with magic unicorns.
The US Vice Presidents motorcade has crashed THREE times in the last week. White House Staff are no long letting Joe Bidden drive. Boom-tish, etc.
Our friends over at BeatTV celebrated their 150th episode this week. To mark the occasion they had a countdown of their greatest hits and misses. This interview with Teenagers by an (allegedly) drug-fucked Dan Watt is their crowning glory:
According to a new survey, 80% of people straight-up refuse to pay for online newspaper and magazine content. Something for Newscorp to think about before they shoot themselves in the foot with their new ‘business model’.
Lindsay Lohan was inconsolable after being presented with a bill for two champagne bottles she stole from the kitchen of an LA nightclub. What ever happened to being famous?
The 'War on Scientology' got serious this week with Australian indie senator Nick Xenophon accusing the group of eating babies. Or something like that. He better start checking under his car in the mornings.
Blake Lively (AKA GG’s Serena Van Der Woodsen) just can’t stop ‘getting them out’. Check the images to see what we mean.
Former Fugee, Wyclef Jean has the most ridiculous motorbike in the history of the world.
Beyonce has a new video out. It features Lady Gaga, but don’t let that dissuade you – Bey looks hot.