Kate Winslet and her husband broke up this week. We doubt anyone reading this cares so we’ll move right on to Sandra Bullock and her philandering husband. According to widely circulated stories he’s been 'throwing his hotdog' down tattoo model Michelle 'Bombshell' McGee’s hallway. She has facial tattoos and is more hardcore than you could ever hope to be.

Rihanna spends $2300 a day on her figure. That’s $1500 for a personal trainer and another $800 for a private chef.

Everyone in indie music is falling over themselves to talk about their sexuality. Two weeks since Vampire Weekend bro came out Bloc Party lead singer, Kele Okereke, has told Butt Magazine he’s also 100% super gay. The news isn’t exactly a shock to fans, but it’s the first time he’s spoken about it publicly.

Dubai has got to stop locking people up over redonkulous shit if it wants to make this whole 'tourist mecca' thing work. In the latest incident, the Gulf State has given a couple of airline staff three months jail for sexting each other. They were charged with "coercion to the commitment of sin".

The Lonely Island have released a new single/video. It’s not funny. Not even a little bit. But it does feature Julian Casablancas and, frankly, there’s not much else happening in YouTube world this week:

Mischa Barton has even less money than you. The actress’s credit card was rejected at a supermarket when she tried to purchase cooked pasta in the middle of the night. The fact she had already opened the packet and was nom-nomming at the checkout only added to the awkwardness. While a friend stepped up and handed over some cash, none of this bodes well for Barton’s 'back on the straight and narrow' spiel.

16-year-old pop singer Justin Bieber is a BIG DEAL in tween circles. Lily Allen discovered this the hard way when she refereed to him as "about five" and "that kid that's always on the TV when I’m in the gym" on her Twitter. This did not go over well with Bieber fans (read: emotionally retarded 12-year-olds) who bombarded her account with hate mail.

You know how you always suspected photographer Terry Richardson was super creepy and predatory at his photoshoots? Turns out you were right. According to a model who worked with him on two occasions, Richardson likes to get it out and make models 'touch it' while calling him 'Uncle Terry'. It’s such a common occurrence his staff always have towels on hand to help with the subsequent clean up. Um, yuck.

Disturbing fact of the week: Madonna is (four years) older than the mother of boyfriend Jesus Luz.

Disturbing fact of the week #2 and #3. Flavor Flav just turned 51. Ice T’s girlfriend, Coco, is pretending she just turned 31. [Ed's note: Coco 4evs!]

MGMT have apologised for how crappy their new single is. Released last week to awkward silence, the pair have now said 'Flash Delirium' was all a big joke and, hahahaha, the album will be much better. Honest. Plz buy it when it drops. Oh, and they’ve released a 'fun' promo video:

Young Jaafar Jackson is out of control. Having previously tried to shoot Blanket Jackson with a stun gun, he’s now been filmed pretending to pistol-whip his cousin in a game of cops and robbers. This will not end well.

Mickey Rourke has a new Russian girlfriend. She looks just like his last Russian girlfriend, IE: blonde, tall, busty, you get the idea.

Remember that episode of The Simpsons when Homer tried to hit 300 pounds so he could be a 'big fat dynamo' and get a disability pension? A woman in New Jersey is doing the same thing in real life, only her target weight is a blood vessel crushing 1000 pounds (about 450 kilograms). You can even pay a subscription fee and watch her eat herself to death via a live internet feed. Kudos all round.

If you enjoyed last week's extra perky Levis ad you may be interested to learn Jennifer Love is newly single.

Corey Haim was so skint when he died the City of Toronto (his hometown) has picked up the tab for his funeral. Corey Feldman wasn’t invited to the small 'family affair'.

(Professional bimbo) Heidi Montag has fired her husband (professional douchebag) Spencer Pratt as her manager. Instead, she’s got herself a psychic healer to look after all her business affairs. That sounds about right.

DMX is back in jail on parole violations, AKA being a crackhead. He’s been given six months in the big house.

It's all shirts off action in the trailer for the new Twilight movie. And yeah, whatever, but you may as well get used to it; emo vampires and wolf boys will be inescapable once the film opens in June:

James Cameron is re-releasing Titanic in 3D. To quote El-P, "I'd rather be mouth fucked by Nazis unconscious."

Unless you’ve been living in some sort of vacuum sealed cave hidden under the ocean you would have seen the video for Lady Gaga and Beyonce’s 'Telephone'. Probably the best advertisement we’ve ever seen.

Just like Elvis, Michael Jackson is worth a lot more dead than he was alive. Sony Music made history this week when they signed a seven-year, 10-album deal with his estate worth $200 million.

We assume you’re all sick of hearing about Lara Bingle and Michael Clarke by now, yes?

Want to feel financially inadequate? Try this: Kylie Minogue made almost $10 million dollars last year. Which is about $25,000 per day. No word on how Dannii is doing these days.

The world’s shortest man has died. Pinping was 21-years-old, from Mongolia, and measured just 29 inches. He made a living having his photo taken alongside the world’s tallest man.

A crowd of Brazilian supermodels and millionaires rioted when Axl Rose decided he couldn’t be bothered playing a private Guns'n'Roses gig in someone’s backyard. The rampaging mob burnt the mansion to the ground. As you do.

Two words. Panda Kindergarten: